Tales of the Parodyverse

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AJA
Thu Nov 10, 2005 at 02:06:58 pm EST
Subject
The Round Robin Rip-Off!, now with Josh Clement's line, more of ag's lines & an Ending!
Originally
The Round Robin Rip-Off!
In Reply To

AJA
Tue Nov 08, 2005 at 12:46:35 pm EST
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It was an ok Monday morning & I wasn't doing much of anything. That was until he walked in. I looked up from my papers & books, to see a man standing there & he was clearly not from around here. I also couldn't help but notice a slight resemblance to Jamie Farr from the old M*A*S*H TV show. I sure hope this wacko wasn't a cross dresser, I don't need another one coming on to me.

"Please, Mr. Armbruster. You've got to help me!"

"Ok. What's your story?"

He told me he was from Toledo, Ohio (I guess that would explain why he looked like Klinger) & he was a humble employee of Toledo's gigantic Libbey-Owens-Ford glassmaking plant. I thought the poncho he was wearing may catch on fire around all that molten glass, but I guess it doesn't. I didn't see any burn marks. Also, maybe the glass had affected his skin some how, because it has an unearthly shade of blue to it. He also had an massive overbite, but I decided not to mention it. Some people find it sexy. Another thing that made me wonder why that the poncho he wore seemed to flap & hum. There was no wind or a fan on to make the poncho flap & ponchos don't normally hum on their own. Then, he dropped a bomb on me: he wasn't from earth!

"What?" I said.

"I am from the small planet of Mexikko."

"What about Toledo & the glassmaking plant?

"On my planet: we also have a Toledo, Ohio. I am originally from WKRP in Cincinnati but moved to Toledo, Ohio to make glassware."

"Ok. I guess that makes sense, some how. Next question: Why do you look like Jamie Farr?" I asked quizzically.

"My Planet has received Television transmissions from your planet & we love it! We love them so much, we've now used them as a basis for our culture. Everything on my planet is based off of your Television programs from the time period you call the 1970's! Jamie Farr, the immortal one known as Klinger, is a god on my planet. We have altered our genetic structure to make all the male's on my planet to look like him!"

"Who do the women look like?"

"Florence Henderson."

"Ok. And the blue skin?"

"A side affect from the genetic tampering."

"Alright. What is your name, Buddy?"

The blue Klinger look alike hesitated for a moment & then said "John Smith?"

I could tell he was lying. So, could his poncho apparently.

"But senior! That is not your name!" The flapping, humming poncho (That later I found out was named Sancho) stated with a stereotypical Mexican accent.

'John' then punched himself in the gut & Sancho Poncho said "ow".

"Did your poncho just talk?" I queried, not knowing at that point that it did in fact talk.

"Uh.. no. That was... uh... the people outside! Yeah, that's it." He said.

I opened my blinds & yes, their were a small group of Mexicans standing on my balcony. Why? I'm not sure.

"Snookie?" I called out.

My vaguely Asian looking secretary & friend came into the office. "Yes?"

"Why is there a group Mexican's on the balcony?"

"For tonight's Fiesta!"

"Oh. Yeah. Wait, what Fiesta?"

"Well, senior." said one of the Mexican's on Arnie's Balcony "We have gathered together for the Cosmic Fiesta that is heading towards The City. Your Balcony is any excellent place to see it come down from the sky."

"Wait." 'John Smith' said. "Who is bringing this Cosmic Fiesta to The City?" 'John' had a look of fear on his face.

"This man." said one of the Mexican's as he handed 'John' a flier.

"No. No. No. It can't be. I though I had more time. He's to close for me to do any good." 'John' said as he started to freak out over the flier. He then dropped it.

"What?" I said & picked up the flier. On it, the flier told of the coming of El Guopo this Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!

"You see, Earthman. All planet's should fear the coming of El Guopo. He hungers for a bit Marijuna & a planet to feed his hunger for Tex-Mex." 'John' said. He turns to the Mexicans' & says "Has Little Pepe come yet?"

"Yes, senior. Little Pepe came last week & delivered the fliers."

"Then, this world is truely doomed!"

Then for some reason, Snookie comes in & she is chewing Bubble gum.

"Snookie, why are you chewing gum?"

"Because I feel like it, ok?"

"Sure. It's just that chewing gum isn't part of your normal M.O."

"Also, there is a Magenta colored woman who looks a lot like Miss Brady out here & she wants to talk to you." Snookie said. Then, she blew & then popped a bubble.

"Why?"

"I don't know. Also, your Hot & Sweat Girls of the Disney Channel DVD is here.

"Thank you. Just put in where you put my other DVD's."

"In the trash?"

"No. The other place."

"ok." Snookie said & then closer the door.

"Mr. Armbruster, Don't let the woman into your office." 'John' said.

"Why? She may be from your planet. Didn't you said you had odd colored women that looked like Mrs. Brady?"

"Yes, but She is not from my planet. All of my people are blue, Magenta is not a shade of blue. That Florence Henderson in your lobby must be a shapeshifter from Mexihedrom, the sworn enemies to my planet."

Just then, the Pink hued Mrs. Brady brust into the room. Wood bits flew everywhere!

"Milk & Cookies, anyone?" She said & then turned in a eight foot tall Magenta Squid/Spider creature.

"Oh, Crap. She's drooling on the rug & now it's ruined."

"Why do you care about this rug so much?" 'John' asked.

"It tied the room together so nicely & now Mrs. Brady's drool runied it!"

"You can get another one, can't you?"

"Yes. But, I liked this one."

Just as The Maxihedromian was about to attack, it was hit over the head & went down.

"That was slightly anti-climatic" Arnie said.

Just then, Snookie walked into the room "You know I'm not cleaning this up, right?"

"Yes."

"ok. Well, We have another guest."

As the dust settled, Snookie, Arnie & 'John' could see a tall man with a large forehead and slicked-back hair, he was wearing a black suit and opaque black sunglasses. He just stood there in the dooway.

Arnie started to panic "Crap! It's the IRS." Arnie said as he pushed his filling cabinet on to a fire that had started in the corner of the office.

"No....Mr. Armbruster. I'm not from the IRS....I'm here for him!" The guy said & then pointed at the blue Jamie Farr look alike wearing the humming/talking/flapping Poncho name Sancho.

'John' was confussed.

"You've gone too far this time...Mr. Anderson," the man in black spoke in a very slowly paced, almost creepy tone. "Misusing my name...it's a serious offense. You must be punished."

"Anderson? I thought your name was Smith?" Arnie said to 'John'.

Arnie then turn to the man in the business suit & asked: "Who are you?"

"Smith," the man in black replied slowly yet intensely. "Agent Smith."

Snookie looked at Arnie and shrugged as she popped another chewing gum bubble. "I think they may be related."

"Maybe. But, Smith just called Smith Anderson, so they might not be related."

Just then, El Guopo & Little Pepe touched down outside. "Hear Me! I am El Goupo & I hunger for Tex-Mex. Your planet will provided it for me!"

"This is turning out to be the best story ever!" Clyde Crashout, a reporter for the Daily Trombone, said. Clyde was, of course, reading this month's Reporter's Monthly. The cover story was on Paris Hilton.

------------


Speaking of Miss Hilton: on the West Coast, she awoke screaming from her bad dream. The dream was about some sleazy lawyer with the wandering hands.

"What is it, baby?" said the sleezy lawyer, with wandering hands that was also happen to lying next to her on the bed.

"EWWWWW!" she squealed & scrambles off the bed.

"What? I promise to give you have off what I make." He said.

Then, Miss Hilton saw the video camera.

"Crap!" she said.

------------


But, getting back to the problem at hand: El Guopo & Little Pepe have just landed in The City. El Guopo is demanding Tex-Mex. This event is being seen from my Office & 'John Smith', Sancho Poncho, Agent Smith, The Mexicans on the Balcony, Snookie & I were all watching as El Guopo continues to ask for Tex-Mex & some of this planet's finest Marijuna. Now, I knew where to find the Weed, but the Tex-Mex maybe a little harder to find.

Just then with the fear of El Guopo upon them, critters that looked like Tatter Tots with arms & legs ran into the office & then ran under Arnie's desk. From their they yelled, "HELP US, ARNIE J. ARMBUSTER! YOUR OUR ONLY HOPE!"

"Hey, Arnie."

"Yes, John."

"Can I have some off your Tot's?"

"Well, I don't know. You'd have to ask them." Arnie said very calmly. Most normal people would have freaked out by now, but not me. I smokes so much Mary Jane & drunk myself to death a couple of times, so talking Tater Tots aren't the weirdest thing I've seen.

At that moment, I began wondered if we ever had a lock on our door because a purple penguin smoking a pipe walked into the room. "Hello, Arnie."

The Penguin sounded like the old dude from Masterpiece Theater. "Hi, Penguin." I waved for some reason.

"I see you've quite a predicament."

"Yeah. I guess so."

"I maybe able to help you out."

"Cool! How?"

------------


Twenty Minutes later....

"Ok. I guess that explains the elf dressed like Ralph Machio, but what's with the snowshoes?" Snookie asked. She had stopped chewing her gum by now. I guess it lost it's flavor.

"The British sounding purple penguin said this may be the only way to stop El Guopo."

"Ok. Put couldn't we just give him the Tex-Mex & some weed so he'd leave."

"Sure, we could do that. But, the Lair Legion is on that. So, we're plan B!"

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah."

"I'd this would have been atleast Plan Y, but not as high as Plan B."

"Desperate Times call for Despreate Measures."

While he talked & planed, the Mexicans on the Balcony (Who also happened to be a Mariachi band) played some music. It was great, this may just be the best Monday EVER!

"I demand food NOW!" El Guopo commanded.

His little friend, Little Pepe flew around his master on a giant silver knife. I guess the knife's metal must have been heated up for some reason because as Pepe flew, he hopped up and down from one foot to the other & screamed "IT BURNS! IT BURNS!"

"Well...Mister Anderson." Agent Smith said. I had totally forgetten about him & 'John'. "Are you going to tell them the truth?" Smith said creepily.

'John' hesitated & then said: "Alright! My name is not John It's..."

But, before he could reveal his true name, a fireball hit the office & we all ran away.

Snookie tried to grab my Tie Collection but only got a few.

"Thats a spicy meatball!" El Guopo said as he tried to cool off his hand.

We (Agent Smith, 'John Smith', Snookie & I) all now stood out in the hallway next to the giant hot & spicy meatball now lodged in the building where my office was.

"Tell them...Mister Anderson." Agent Smith said.

"I'm actually Jamie Farr." He said.

"Then, why are you blue?" I asked.

"So, my alien story would work."

"Ok. Who is Agent Smith & why does he call you Mr. Anderson?"

"Smith is my Talent Agent & I'm not sure why he kept on calling me Anderson."

"Anderson is your new name. The Name your were given when you entered the Former Celebrity Relocation Program."

We all said a collectived "Oh!"

Then, Jamie Farr's poncho leaped on his body & headed down the hallway.

"Uh... John, Jamie, whatever your name is. Where is your poncho going and what’s with your sombrero?"

"I'm not wearing a sombrero."

"Oh. Sorry."

"Sancho Poncho is actually an alien & that Squid/Spider creature.."

"The one that looked like Florence Henderson?" Snookie asked.

"Yes. She was coming to kill Sancho. I was just protecting him."

"Oh. That's cool."

"That was why I came to you in the first place."

"Then, why didn't you say so?"

"I feared for Sancho's life."

"You know what, Jamie Farr, your a true friend."

While we were all having a special moment, Sancho Poncho went outside & kicked the living daylights out of El Guopo & Little Pepe. So, The giant Tex-Mex eating Man-God left with nothing. This really cheesed of the Lair Legion, they came all the way to The City with a giant Tex-Mex meal & the World's finest weed (It's from Canada!). So, Visionary and Ham-Boy were left holding the sausage.

After that, everything pretty much went back to normal or what passes as normal.

The End.

------------


"Hey! Wait a minute: Your office wasn't crushed by a giant meatball & I'm pretty sure that Agent Smith was from the Matrix." said little Cindy Lou. "

"Well, your right. I did rip the Agent Smith character off from the Matrix. But, the rest is true. Just ask your cousin, she was there!"

Cindy Lou walked over to her cousin, Snookie & ask if the story she just heard was true.

"No. Arnie was just trying to keep you entertained."

"oh. Ok." Cindy Lou said & went back to her coloring book & her drawing of a Magenta Sqiud/Spider creature that sort of looked like Mrs. Brady.

THE END


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